Lost or Given?

Let's talk about virginity. #eyeroll

I don't like our language of "losing" one's virginity. Rarely does one unintentionally misplace one's virginity. Just saying. If one truly cannot remember the circumstances of "losing" their virginity, then very probably those circumstances were lamentable, if not horrific.

Usually, virginity is given. Maybe unwillingly, maybe carelessly in haste, perhaps without regard to deservingness of the recipient. In hookup culture, virginity is a liability to be dropped off in the nearest gutter. In this case, it's thrown away, but it wasn't misplaced.

Optimally, one's virginity is given to someone who values it -- but cherishes the giver far more than the virginity itself. It is supposed to be given away, not kept in the original packaging with the tags still attached.

This is what chastity is. Appropriate celibacy and appropriate hedonism. The gift of virginity isn't an heirloom vase to be kept in a case but a key to unlock a lifetime of rich relationship.

This is one's of my husband's favorite soapboxes (and you should hear him talk about it when you get a chance): Yahweh made us for relationship. He made sex to fit into a certain kind of relationship: a marriage between a man and a woman. He made all of our hormones, like the wonderful oxytocin, to aid us in forming relationships. When we go against Yahweh's design, we also go against our own psychology and our own biology. Virginity is a good thing to give away, carefully and deliberately, because doing so enables our own flourishing.

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