Various thoughts on the "Stay-at-home mom"
We recently watched a TEDx presentation on the stigma attributed to stay-at-home moms. The presenter pointed out the absurdity of defining someone almost exclusively by their place of work. (We don't refer to the stay-at-desk accountant, for example.)
I have had a myriad of doctors appointments, what with all the usual yearly or half-yearly visits to the dentist, eye doctor, neurologist, and hormone specialist, finding a new neurologist with the retirement of my previous one, accompanying my husband to his appointments as an extra pair of ears, and with expecting another baby. (YAY!) To all of these (except the dentist --just doesn't work), I've brought my busy and curious toddler son. What better way to let the world know that you are a SAHM (as the acronym goes) and judge how you use that time, than to bring your child to a doctor's appointment.
A "good" child would sit quietly in a corner with the toys selected for or by him. I'm pretty sure our boy is destined to be an engineer like his daddy, grandad, and great-grandfather: he wants to explore every light, button, lever, clock, wheel, dial, and gauge. (He absolutely loved watching the gauge when the nurse checked my blood pressure the other day.) It's both charming and alarming -- especially when the equipment costs a fortune. (I heard recently of an ENT performing plastic surgery so that he could save up for the microscope necessary to open practice as an ENT!) One's reception depends greatly on whether the nurse or doctor has children themselves. Everyone has definite ideas about how children should behave until those little personalities pop into one's own life.
But aside from that little rant. I do rather wish for the pre-industrial era when husbands and wives did not necessarily work in separate spheres.
One of the things I loved about The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom was her description of home life before the Nazis. Her father was a clock maker and worked in the shop downstairs while the family lived upstairs. Corrie and her sister had the opportunity to watch their father's work and learn the business. Corrie did the housework while Betsey learned clockmaking and kept the accounts. Eventually they figured out that they were misplaced: Corrie loved accounting and clockmaking while Betsey preferred the housekeeping! Even if the ten Booms had had a son who had inherited the business and the girls hadn't been taught the trade, the proximity of home to their father's work meant that an observant young woman could have learned much. Their mother kept up with all her husband's clients and always was ready to offer a chair, a cup of coffee, and an ear for whomever needed it. (Betsey took after her.) If Mrs. ten Boom was a "stay-at-home" mother, well, you could rather call Mr. ten Boom a "Stay-at-home" father. They were equally stay-at-home and stay-at-work, and so were the daughters.
My husband is an engineer in the government's employment and his work life is a constant tension of the things he was hired to do (i.e. engineering) and the paper he is required to do (i.e. bureaucratic paperwork). Meanwhile, the branch secretary cannot be troubled to make herself useful. I would like to work alongside my husband and help pick up some of the bureaucratic paperwork. As a single woman I kept my radar up for the kinds of men who wanted a partner in their lives and those who wanted merely to keep their wives sequestered. (This harkens back to Jordan Peterson maintaining that women want a man that they can contend with. It's accurate in my case at least. I came across so many boring men! Also, in my context, I didn't and still don't come across many men who stress that a women must have a career. I think they bore me just as much.)
We plan to homeschool our children and I regard myself as in the preparatory stages of that goal. Homeschooling will be a career of its own. I'm tutoring for a mom who is a tiger mother and just might make me one as well. I'm still a novice housekeeper but a practiced cook. Right now I kind of have day care for one while I'm personal chef for three. SAHM likely summons an image of a woman in yoga pants microwaving chicken nuggets between cups of coffee for a kid watching TV until 5pm when she can pour herself a giant glass of wine. I'm aiming much higher than that.
I have had a myriad of doctors appointments, what with all the usual yearly or half-yearly visits to the dentist, eye doctor, neurologist, and hormone specialist, finding a new neurologist with the retirement of my previous one, accompanying my husband to his appointments as an extra pair of ears, and with expecting another baby. (YAY!) To all of these (except the dentist --just doesn't work), I've brought my busy and curious toddler son. What better way to let the world know that you are a SAHM (as the acronym goes) and judge how you use that time, than to bring your child to a doctor's appointment.
A "good" child would sit quietly in a corner with the toys selected for or by him. I'm pretty sure our boy is destined to be an engineer like his daddy, grandad, and great-grandfather: he wants to explore every light, button, lever, clock, wheel, dial, and gauge. (He absolutely loved watching the gauge when the nurse checked my blood pressure the other day.) It's both charming and alarming -- especially when the equipment costs a fortune. (I heard recently of an ENT performing plastic surgery so that he could save up for the microscope necessary to open practice as an ENT!) One's reception depends greatly on whether the nurse or doctor has children themselves. Everyone has definite ideas about how children should behave until those little personalities pop into one's own life.
But aside from that little rant. I do rather wish for the pre-industrial era when husbands and wives did not necessarily work in separate spheres.
One of the things I loved about The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom was her description of home life before the Nazis. Her father was a clock maker and worked in the shop downstairs while the family lived upstairs. Corrie and her sister had the opportunity to watch their father's work and learn the business. Corrie did the housework while Betsey learned clockmaking and kept the accounts. Eventually they figured out that they were misplaced: Corrie loved accounting and clockmaking while Betsey preferred the housekeeping! Even if the ten Booms had had a son who had inherited the business and the girls hadn't been taught the trade, the proximity of home to their father's work meant that an observant young woman could have learned much. Their mother kept up with all her husband's clients and always was ready to offer a chair, a cup of coffee, and an ear for whomever needed it. (Betsey took after her.) If Mrs. ten Boom was a "stay-at-home" mother, well, you could rather call Mr. ten Boom a "Stay-at-home" father. They were equally stay-at-home and stay-at-work, and so were the daughters.
My husband is an engineer in the government's employment and his work life is a constant tension of the things he was hired to do (i.e. engineering) and the paper he is required to do (i.e. bureaucratic paperwork). Meanwhile, the branch secretary cannot be troubled to make herself useful. I would like to work alongside my husband and help pick up some of the bureaucratic paperwork. As a single woman I kept my radar up for the kinds of men who wanted a partner in their lives and those who wanted merely to keep their wives sequestered. (This harkens back to Jordan Peterson maintaining that women want a man that they can contend with. It's accurate in my case at least. I came across so many boring men! Also, in my context, I didn't and still don't come across many men who stress that a women must have a career. I think they bore me just as much.)
We plan to homeschool our children and I regard myself as in the preparatory stages of that goal. Homeschooling will be a career of its own. I'm tutoring for a mom who is a tiger mother and just might make me one as well. I'm still a novice housekeeper but a practiced cook. Right now I kind of have day care for one while I'm personal chef for three. SAHM likely summons an image of a woman in yoga pants microwaving chicken nuggets between cups of coffee for a kid watching TV until 5pm when she can pour herself a giant glass of wine. I'm aiming much higher than that.
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